That's not a strawberry
by PyroEnthusiast
Summary: So, I'm awful at summaries, but here goes! Merlin is mourning Freya, a year later, no one, not even Gaius knew about her. Gwaine is in Camelot for the first time. Arthur knows something is wrong with Merlin, along with everyone in Camelot! The other knights will enter the story as well! I love Angst Freylin! Hope you enjoy it! Please review! First story! Alonzy!
1. Chapter 1

8/15/2013

_**That's not a strawberry…**_

_ "Merlin…. You already did save me. Why are you so good to me? That's not a strawberry…"_

"Freya? Freya…" Merlin sat up in bed, tears rolling down his face as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration and sadness.

He knew that there was no point in going back to sleep now, her face, the face of his Freya, would haunt him in dreams just as much as it did when

he was awake. He got up and silently walked by the sleeping Gaius. Throughout the past year Merlin had been getting more sleep deprived, thinner,

paler, quieter, overall sickly-looking, and very, very depressed. Merlin was both relieved and slightly sad that not a single soul had noticed. Not even

Gaius knew of Freya, he had not told a single soul. Tears blurring his sight, he quietly walked through the town and to the edge of the forest, knowing

he couldn't go to their Lake of Avalon when it was so dark or he would lose his way. Instead of entering the forest he leaned against the closest tree

on the outside of the woods and sat in the cold for the rest of the night until he had to go to work, deciding that he needed to punish himself for not

keeping his Freya safe.

* * *

**_Chapter 1_**

Arthur woke up to something not welcome, not even slightly welcome!

"Sire? Wake up. It's time to wake up, Arthur." He slowly rolled over with a confused look on his face; he had grown to look forward to waking up to

Merlin's ridiculous phrases every morning, though if anyone ever said that it would be denied without hesitation.

"**_Mer_**lin, as much as I hate your nonstop chatter, where, pray tell, has it gone?" Arthur realized Merlin looked quite sick and sad, as his manservant

always did now…

"Sire?" Merlin questioned with a confused expression, "Your chatter, Merlin, where has it gone?" Arthur demanded; Merlin shrugged unhelpfully. Arthur

sighed, everyone in Camelot had noticed the sudden change in the popular and formerly cheery manservant, no one knew what was wrong, and none

asked.

"Are you mad at me for making you and Gwaine clean the entire armies boots? I just can't believe someone can drink THAT much AND eat FOUR DOZEN

pickled eggs."

A ghost of the old Merlin's smile appeared on the new, haunted young man's face.

"Well, it sure wasn't fun to clean ALL of those boots, prat."

_'__At least Merlin is trying to get back to his old self….' _Arthur thought sadly.

As Merlin set down Arthur's breakfast, his eyes came to rest on something. Following Merlin's gaze, Arthur realized with confusion that the tear-filled

eyes were settled on a strawberry. Utterly bewildered, Arthur tentatively placed the strawberry in Merlin's hand. Merlin, who was deeply thinking about

red strawberry-colored flowers and a beautiful sad smile on an equally beautiful sad girl, looked up with a start. Seeing what Arthur had done, he gave

him a weak yet grateful smile,

"Thank you, Arthur." Arthur nodded with an expression of concern.

"Merlin-" Merlin abruptly stood up, his face unreadable.

"Is there anything you need me to do before I try to stop Gwaine from going back to the tavern?" Arthur shook his head, but when Merlin turned his

back to leave, Arthur replied,

"Yes, there is. I need you to tell me how I can help you." Arthur knew he normally didn't bother with anyone's feelings, but seeing Merlin so broken was

just so wrong. Merlin closed his eyes, without turning around he said eight words that broke Arthur's heart,

"Nothing anyone does can help me ever again." He walked out of the room and practically ran to the Lake of Avalon, the place where he had last seen

the only one he would ever love alive.

* * *

**Hey! So any Reviews would be awesome! Critical, suggestions, challenges, requests for the story, or different Merlin story requests. Just anything! _Fan_tastic! Ten points to anyone who knows that (_Fan_tastic!) reference! Thanks y'all! - PyroEnthusiast  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey thanks for the reviews on the last chapter guys! Guest who posted 'You're going to make me cry' on the first chapter, sorry, but that's what I'm going for! Ok so I kinda changed this chapter, I set it two years in the future because I needed it to be later so the rest of the knights could join the story! Hope you enjoy!  
**

* * *

8/18/13

**_Chapter 2_**

_***Two years later***_

_"Merlin…. 'I scare most people away' 'Why are you so good to me?' 'You already did save me. You made me feel loved ' 'Somewhere with mountains'_

_'A few fields' 'Wild flowers' 'A couple of cows' 'And a lake' 'And a lake' 'You remembered' 'That's not a strawberry' 'It's the color of a strawberry'"_

Sweat and tears falling down his face Merlin leapt out of bed, pulled on his day clothes, (even though it was near dawn) and ran through the

chambers and into the lower town. He mindlessly walked for quite awhile. In the end of his wandering he winded up in the tavern. He sat on a stool at

the counter and said to the barkeeper,

"J-just keep it coming."

"MERLIN! MATE WHAD ARE YOU DOIN' HE-HERE? YOU SHOULD J-JOIN US!" Merlin's shoulders tensed and he ran his hand through his hair in frustration,

he hadn't even thought about having to deal with a drunk Gwaine while drinking himself into sweet oblivion.

"Gwaine, you should be getting back to the castle." Merlin responded quietly,

"YOOUUU, MYYYY FRIEND, ARE AVOIDDDDING THE QUES-QUESTION! ISN'T HE AVOIDING THE QUESSSTION, MY MAAAATES?!" Gwaine yelled to the rest of

the people in the tavern, Merlin softly groaned as they all cheered their agreement

"So, Merlin, whaaat arre you doin' here?" Gwaine asked with a drunken grin and unfocused eyes. Downing his drink and ordering another, Merlin lied

with his lopsided carefree grin that he had perfected,

"Just thought I would get a drink before I went to sleep, but you, Gwaine, should begetting back so Arthur doesn't have you scrubbing anymore

boots."

"Meeerrrlin, I don't wanna go yet! I waaaanna stay here with you! Did you know, Merlin,that you have the eyes of a sad person with a secret, a secret

that's made them lose hope completely? Ah,but that can't be right, you're the cheerful little guy who always seems to make things better." Merlin

tensed when Gwaine made his speech, which did not go unnoticed by the certainly not drunk Gwaine.

* * *

Gwaine himself had secrets. The first, of course, being that he was the son of a noble, the second was that he had only once, in his entire life, been

drunk. He always added water to his alcohol before he could get drunk when no one was looking, keeping his reputation of a drunkard and learning

everyone's secrets, since they thought he couldn't remember anything the next morning. Sure, he did drink, just never enough to be drunk. The third of

his deepest secrets was that his father and a woman from a small town were his parents,and this woman's name was Hunith, though he didn't know

her very well, he had been sent away to learn proper etiquette as the son of a noble man at a young age, however, he had run away from that quite

quickly and ended up roaming the world. He had grown up without either of his parents and was something of a nomad. What he did know of her was

that she currently resided in Ealdor with her son, Merlin, who was Gwaine's unknowing younger half-brother. "Merlin, did you know, if I didn't have you, I would have no one?" Merlin smiled wearily,

"C'mon Gwaine, up you get, you have to go home now."

"Are you coming?" Gwaine asked, sounding drunk by years of perfection.

"Nah, I'll leave soon though, just get yourself back to the castle safely." Gwaine tried to look serious and drunk at the same time,

"What are you going to do, drink through the night?" Merlin laughed, but Gwaine heard the deception in it.

"Course not, just gonna enjoy the surroundings." Gwaine swayed on his feet for effect as he replied,

"Don't drink too much my friend, eventually you c-can't stop, you need the alcohol to forget, to forget… everything. That's not what you're doing, is it

Merlin? I can't lose you…you're my brother, well you're like a brother, is what I mean." Gwaine spoke from experiences he had seen; yet he realized that

he meant it when he said he couldn't lose Merlin, even though he'd only known his little brother for a few years he could not lose Merlin, whatever the

price. Merlin nodded tightly, then with a goofy grin said to his older half-brother.

"Goodnight Gwaine, I don't envy you the headache you'll have in the morning, friend."

Gwaine walked towards the door in resignation then turned back around and slurred with a sad grin,

"Nor I you, little brother of mine."

* * *

When Gwaine woke up the next morning, there was someone knocking at the door, when he opened it he saw Bill, the bar keeper at the

tavern.

"Bill, my man, what do you want this fine morning." Bill shifted uncomfortably.

"I've come to ask you to take your friend home, he's completely broken down Gwaine, he hasn't even once fallen asleep the entire time he was there

last night, and early this morning he started screaming at someone that wasn't there." Gwaine blinked, completely confused, then suddenly, he

understood.

"Merlin? Merlin's still there?" he nodded.

"Oh that's not good!" Gwaine muttered as he grabbed his boots,

"We have to make a few stops before I go get him though, is that ok Bill?" Bill nodded wearily, so they started out of the room.

* * *

**Hey everybody! What did you think? Suggestions and reviews would be great!  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh. my. goodness! I just watched the end of Merlin for the first time today, how can you kill the best characters so heartlessly? Oh, and if you read the previous two chapters before the twentieth of August then you might want to re-read them, I altered them a bit. Well, here's the next chapter, it's really short, but I hope you like it anyway!**

* * *

8/20/2013

**_Chapter 3_ **

Arthur did not wake up to Merlin that morning, in fact he did not wake up to anyone, he woke up to someone knocking on the door. Arthur groaned,

"Coming…" He pulled open the door to see Gwaine and some man in grubby clothes.

"Princess, we've got a bit of a problem, Merlin's been in the tavern." Arthur raised his eyebrow,

"So? Merlin spends more time in the tavern then out, the useless idiot." The grubby man responded,

"Excuse me Your Highness, but your manservant, Merlin, has never been in my tavern before. Not even once." Arthur stumbled back in shock.

"Then. Where. Has. My. Servant. Been?!" Gwaine shrugged,

"No idea princess, but he's there now, and he's drinking his life away." Arthur blinked,

"Drinking his life away? Really drunk or suicidal?" Gwaine shifted from one foot to the other, Arthur knew this meant the latter.

"Let's go then…"

"Hold up, princess, there's a few other people I'd like to include in my little brother's intervention." Arthur stared at him, Gwaine realizing his slip-up,

defended,

"Merlin's the closest thing I have to a little brother." In his head Gwaine thought, _'you have idea how close his is to a little brother, in fact, he is one, well, a_

_ half-brother!' _Arthur nodded,

"I know, he's like a bro-" He turned red as he saw Gwaine's grin,

"Don't we have people to be getting?" Gwaine tried to stop grinning at Arthur,

"Yeah, c'mon princess."

* * *

**There it is!I hope you all enjoyed it! Sorry it was so short though! If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, complaints, don't hesitate to tell me!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone, I am so ashamed of how long it's been since I updated! I've been on vacation so I haven't had much time to write recently, in fact I haven't written any chapters since this one. I am so sorry, I hope you guys like this chapter though! I'm starting school tomorrow so I won't update as much anymore! :/ **

* * *

8/22/13

_**Chapter 4 **_

Lancelot, Elyan, Percival, and Leon were worried. They were worried because they had just talked to Gwaine, Arthur, and the man they knew to be Bill,

the tavern keeper, and apparently their little brother figure was deeply depressed about something and was drinking himself into oblivion. Now they

were with Gwaine, Arthur, and Bill, going to get Gwen.

"Gwen? Guinevere, you here?" Elyan called into Guinevere's chambers.

"Elyan? Gwaine, what's the matter? You look really upset!" Gwen asked as she appeared from her room.

"My br- Merlin's in the tavern, and from what I can tell he's really desperate right now." Gwaine quickly replied, clearly agitated at how long it was

taking to get back to Merlin's side.

"I really ca-can't see him like this. Please… please, please just let's get him an'- an' fix him up, please?" Gwaine pleaded, tears evident in his eyes,

Arthur put a consoling hand on Gwaine's shoulder, even though inside Arthur was worried as well.

* * *

**_"How could you? How could you leave me like this!? We had a plan!" _**Merlin appeared to scream at the wall.

"He's been like this all night." Bill explained, concerned.

"Merlin, mate. C'mon, you have to go home." Gwaine said, pulling on Merlin's arm.

Merlin didn't move. "We had a plan, remember? 'Somewhere with mountains, a few fields, wild flowers, a couple of cows, and a lake.' Please, tell me

you remember? You have to remember, please… please, just come back. Come back to me. You HAVE to come back to me, please! Just do me one favor?

Don't. Be. _Dead_."

Merlin's eyes filled with tears and his voice broke as he whispered that and he choked on the words; everyone in the room started crying at Merlin's

words, there was only one of them that knew Merlin had had anyone die except his friend Will from Ealdor.

"Merlin, Merlin please? We'll figure this out together, Merlin, just please, snap out of it?" Gwaine pleaded, he was sobbing by this point.

"Merlin?" A voice from behind said gently, surprising everyone.

"Merlin, I know…. I know what's wrong, and- and I want to help. Just let us in, ok Merlin?" The others stared at Percival, how did he know what was

wrong?

"Merlin, I just want you to know, I think you are amazing, everything you went through with-with HER, yet still you remain friends with him." Merlin

looked up at Percival with bloodshot eyes, confusion in his expression.

"How could-could you know about HER?" He broke down sobbing, clutching Percival's shirt in his hands.

"Come with me and I'll tell you about it, we can talk to the wee hours of the morning and we'll sort everything out. We'll all be right here with you,

_forever._" He held out his hand for Merlin to take, Merlin stared at him. It took a few seconds for Merlin to give a reply.

"Sh-she tol-told me that too. She sa-said that we wou-would be to-together, forever. The-then she left, _forever._" He whispered brokenly, staring at

Percival's hand untrustingly.

"It wasn't her fault, she didn't choose that." Percival whispered gently.

"Then maybe you won't either. Maybe you'll all just leave me because you- because you can't choose either…." Percival stared at him, blinking back

tears.

**"NEVER."**

Merlin took his hand.

* * *

**I'm really sorry everyone, I feel awful about the wait and it's probably going to be like this, waiting for chapters for a long time, now that I'm starting school again, I'm so sorry!  
**


	5. Chapter 5

** 10/1/13 **

**_Chapter Five_ **

Arthur hated this. Not knowing. Not knowing what his friend-no his brother, was keeping from him. As childish as it was Arthur

thought it was unfair that Merlin hadn't told him anything was wrong, Arthur told Merlin everything! He kicked a stone in his path in

frustration. 'Why does Merlin not trust him? Had he not shown Merlin he could confide in him?' Arthur stopped and frowned, 'No he

supposed he hadn't, he would just tell him to shut up and stop being a girl. Now wonder Merlin wouldn't say anything. Well, no more,

Merlin WOULD learn Arthur could be caring.' With that Arthur set off to go ask Gwen for help.

* * *

Percival sat Merlin to lean against the headboard of his bed; they were in Merlin's chambers. Merlin looked at him sadly and

expectantly. Percival sighed.

"HOW do you know about Freya?" Merlin said suddenly. The words that Percival had dreaded hearing Merlin say since he met him

seemed to reverberate through the quiet room. Percival sighed again.

"She was my little sister." Merlin's eyes widened to a size that until that moment, Percival had conceived to be quite impossible.

"Your sister was the woman I love with all of my heart." Merlin whispered. Percival nodded, saddened to hear Merlin say that the

women he loved was gone forever.

"Yes, yes she was. She made sure I knew that before she died. She made sure to know that I was aware of her luck in finding the

perfect man. I wish she just knew that in your eyes, she was the perfect woman; I wish she knew how much you loved her, and

how much I loved my sweet little sister. I miss her so much; I still have a hard time forgiving Arthur for the wrong he has done to

her. I am amazed at the pure forgiveness in your heart." Merlin choked on a sob.

"There's nothing to forgive Arthur for, it's entirely fault, and I want you to know you have every right to hate me. I should have

protected her better." Percival pulled Merlin, his almost brother, into a hug.

"NO IT'S NOT. I know it's not really Arthur fault either, but I can't stop thinking that it is." Percival whispered.

Gwaine quietly pulled away from the door and wondered why his little brother never told him about Freya, but then again, had

Gwaine ever told Merlin he was his half-brother?

* * *

**Oh my gosh, everything with my life is a mess right now, I just feel like crying lately. I'm so sorry for not writing anything for so long everybody.**


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